My toothpaste sucks
by The Big Dork on Dec.30, 2007, under Dorky Stuff
One of the greatest pleasures in my life is brushing my teeth. Actually, it is THE greatest pleasure. Nothing beats clean, fresh teeth. When my mouth gets all gunky after a long day, I can’t wait to get home and remove the nasty germs, tarter, and once delicious food remnants that I spent my day cramming into my mouth. And nothing was better than waking up in the morning with bad breath that is banished before my daily routines. Alas, this is no more–at least for the time being. Whenever I am ready to buy another tube of toothpaste, I usually become quite adventurous. I tend to buy different flavors each time, or one that does something cool, like target plaque more than others. Until now, my toothpaste choices were short of genius. This time, however, I’ve made a grave error. My brand of choice is Crest and this time around I picked up a new “Pro-Health Night” toothpaste. Great, it works during the night! I don’t mind that. What I do mind is the horrid after taste it leaves in your mouth. Instead of pure, minty fresh breath that you normally get, now you get somewhat minty breath with the accompanying taste of a hangover. Even after a night of hard drinking, my normal toothpaste manages to block out some of the bad memories of the night before. This new toothpaste seems to be punishing me for my past sins, as well as the ones I have not yet commmited. Unfortunately, I’m too much of a cheap and lazy punk to go buy new toothpaste, so it looks like I’ll have to ride this one out for a few more weeks longer. Unless you like going through your day feeling like you licked a storm drain, avoid this toothpaste:
